Kinda like the time that lady farted on my leg in the checkout line

lyrics-smallNeed some inspiration for writing original song lyrics? Check out the following story that a girl friend of mine told me yesterday. Hope you like it and that it may be inspirationally.

Saturday Night at the Italian Hall ’16 was not nearly as interesting as the ’15 version. I didn’t limp to the Hall doors battered and bleeding, as Dave thoughtfully took my arm while we walked there (and I held on for dear life). Unlike last year, when he had no time as he was working to complete his GED, this time around Dave did manage to maintain conversation with me while he tried to “fix” his father’s cell phone. He didn’t try to dump the leftover gnocchi into a Ziploc freezer bag under the table and not once did he blame his own noxious gas on the guy sitting at the table next to us.

And – the statement I know you’ve all been waiting for – no chunks were blown. My dear boyfriend paced himself and held his own. I was so proud….

Once the lights dimmed and the dance music started thumpin’, Dave and I said our goodbyes and headed home. We had two stops to make on our way: first to Dave’s dad’s house to let their hairless rat/wallet dog out for a tinkle and then to the corner store for milk.

Dave ran in to the store and while he was paying for the milk I watched a woman walk through the parking lot and up to the doors of the store. She was heavyset, with stringy brown hair and an enormous puffy green coat and she walked with her mouth wide open and her gloved hands fisted.

It’s still really, really cold and windy here and it struck me as odd that her lips weren’t pursed together the way mine usually are when I’m walking against the bitter Northern wind. I watched as she pulled open the doors, entered the store and passed Dave, and as he came toward the truck he shot me a look that said something really disgusting just happened to me.

Something really disgusting just happened to me,” he said when he got in the truck.


“That lady just burped in my face.”

What? Ew!”

“Yeah. As I walked past her to go out the door she let one go, right in my face. It was like I walked right in to this big wall of stink.”

I couldn’t help it. I burst out laughing, because I’m supportive like that. “That’s disgusting!” I shouted, in between snorts. “What did you do?”

He put the truck in reverse and started to back up. “I didn’t do anything. I looked at the cashier and he was just standing there like, oh my god, because it wasn’t a dainty burp.”

“What did she do? Did she like, say anything to you?”

“Yeah, she looked at me and said, ‘Oh, did I just burp in your face?’”

I was laughing so hard I thought I might piss myself. “What?! She did not!”

“She so did.”

“What did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything. I just wanted to get out in to the fresh air.” He shuddered a bit.

I reached over and patted his leg. “Oh, babe. That’s just…wrong. But at least she didn’t puke on you.”

Got some ideas now to write some original, great song lyrics? Let me know.